Are You in a Bubble?

There is a shift occurring all around us. This shift feels and looks like disruption and discord, which makes us feel uncomfortable. Your mindset is influential in labeling this shift as “negative” or “positive.” In truth, it’s just a shift.

Change and growth happen during times of unrest. If your soul feels restless, rejoice and be thankful. Your spirit is prompting you to move. 

What to do? Some people react, fretting over the feelings they’re experiencing. They perceive the shift as a threat.

Others reflect. Do I have control over this thing? Does this shift have a direct impact on my life? How do I want to interact with what’s going on? Do I even need to interact?

Here’s the thing - there are always shifts happening. We experience shifts as individuals (I just lost my job), as well as in groups (Our entire department was cut). These experiences have a way of mobilizing us into compartments. 

Humans are inclined to compartmentalize. We organize ourselves into groups of other people who have lived similar experiences (We all lost our jobs) and believe similar things (Everyone should be vegetarian and advocate for animals). 

This social organization can lead to tribalistic behavior, seeing your views as the correct views (and placing everyone else in opposition).

Last week I encountered a post from someone who inquired, “Am I in a political bubble?”

A reply started forming in my head: “Yes, you are. And, so are we all.” But, I didn’t think my response would lead this person to an introspective space, so I didn’t engage.

We are all in a bubble - individual bubbles that we form based on what we believe (which is constructed from our experiences). 

What’s really interesting is that we assume other people live in the same bubble as us. But that’s not true. What’s true is that we each have a bubble, and other people have bubbles similar to ours. We glom our bubble together with those other bubbles to form a larger bubble.

I know I’m using the word “bubble” excessively, but visually bubbles take up a lot of space. This is the point.

Have you ever been in a situation when someone assumed you believed something similar to them . . . but you didn’t? Perhaps there are higher level associations, but at a micro level those associations disappear. You may have believed you had deeply rooted connections, but soon the opposite was revealed.

Anything that can be tied to a cause highlights our inclination to make faulty assumptions - politics, religion, sports, etc. 

• You’re affiliated with the same political party as me, so we must have views that align.

• You’re associated with the same religion as me, so you must hold similar values.

• You root for the same team as me, so we would probably get along well.

These associations have a communal feel. They form (and reinforce) bubbles. And they plant seeds that can lead to division.

When I moved into my new home I connected with a neighbor that I was sure would become a close friend. Our life experiences paralleled in so many ways. We were both actresses. We both experienced relationships with addicted men. We both worked in fields connected to mindfulness. We bonded in deep, meaningful ways. But, fundamentally, there were differences. 

When our belief systems, ideals, etc. revealed a fork in our roads the friendship slowly dissipated. No drama. Just a lack of continued cohesion. We still talk, but we don’t set aside time to build a relationship.

Does this make this other person “bad” and me “good” (or vice versa)? No, not at all. We’re just different. And, it’s okay to admit that. 

Uncomfortable Conversations

Now, let’s talk politics. I know we typically reserve touchy subjects for holidays with family, but this is the perfect newsletter to dive into topics that make us uncomfortable.

I am a perennial observer of human nature. What makes us tick? What moves us to behave the way we do? The bubbles we form around us influence our thoughts, words, and actions. They are people made constructs that compartmentalize us.

Politics are a divider, especially when the perceived stakes are high. One side believes one thing, which is opposite the other side (again, perception). The labels on the sides don’t matter. 

Division is strengthened by our tendency to assume everyone on “our side” holds the same beliefs, values, mission, and vision. The distance between the two sides grows wider when we tell ourselves that everyone on the “other side” holds beliefs, values, a mission, and vision that are directly opposed to ours.

Anyone associated with a third party is either forgotten or folded into the opposition, as they pose a threat. The more something or someone appears to threaten our beliefs, values, life’s mission, and vision, the greater the divide (and the more aligned we become with our side).

Then, the fallout occurs. People (feeling strongly that their side’s values, beliefs, mission, and vision are “right”) demand that people on the opposite side leave. “Unfriend me,” they post. “You are a _____________ (fill in the blank with your most colorful takedown)!” “I’m leaving this platform, because it’s overtaken by _____________ (again, get creative with your mass character execution)!”

Then, we watch news and talk show hosts that align with our beliefs, values, mission, and vision (forgetting or not realizing that these people are paid large sums to say what they say). The divide grows to the point where it is self-feeding, because it is one big bubble.

Then, we blame the opposition for the divide we’re experiencing as a country.

Any division we experience is self-imposed. I have a sticker that says, “We are all part of the problem . . . We are all part of the solution.” I know I say it ad nauseum, but the first step is self-awareness.

Our beliefs, values, life’s mission, and vision are created by us through experiences we’ve encountered. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t born into this world with a political affiliation, a religious alignment, or a favorite food. Those all arrived through experiences that became repeated stories and reinforced experiences.

My experience is not the same as yours, even if that experience has similarities. Our similarities bind us and our differences make us unique. We are the ones who decide whether those differences create division.

How can we remove the layers of division?

Ask, “What does division get me?” Sometimes we align with other people to avoid being ostracized. Fear of exile is strong, because it was reinforced over thousands of years. We are tribal. 

Do you seek understanding or do you hold on so tightly to your beliefs that any other view lacks value? Inherently, we trust people who believe similarly to us and distrust people who think differently. But, this is a false sense of safety that breeds trust and distrust where it may not be warranted. 

There is also an errant belief that if we invite another view in (Let me hear your side) that we open ourselves up to be led astray. This is especially true of religious beliefs. But, gaining perspective is healthy and necessary. 

Listening to other perspectives does not mean your views are wrong or in danger. Your views are your own created from your experiences. My views are my own created from my experiences. We each hold information the other does not possess. 

We are each a body of knowledge with information to share. We don’t have to change one another. We can share our lived experiences - our beliefs, values, mission, and vision - without altering the other’s views.

My neighbor and I may not be BFFs, but she’s a nice person with a lovely family. We can have friendly banter without trying to change one another.

We can just be.

Sending you all Peace, Love, & Harmony.

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

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I can teach you how to get started and accelerate your growth by using repeatable methods. Need the tools? I’ve got them. The goal is always to make you independent. I should be working myself out of a job. Once you take off, you may want to have a session from time to time, especially if you are scaling your goals. A good coach teaches you how to stand on your own two feet. Contact me today. Are you ready to CONNECT?