How to Dismantle Fear of Failure

The Problem with Your Dreams

Why do you shut down when it comes to your dreams? You really, really want to go after that dream, but every time you even think about it you just feel overwhelmed. So, you put it off. Then, you feel like a failure because you’re not not going after it. You are completely frozen, and you don’t know why. You are filled with fear of the failure you are positive would happen. 

I think one problem is calling it a dream. What do you think of when you think of dreams? Something pretend that happens in your head at night while you sleep? Why would you ever think it could actually happen? 

Add to that the (perceived) risk involved.

You fear failure because there is something you have put up as collateral - your money, your time, your effort, your pride, your reputation. 

Although you 100% understand that with any reward there is some level of risk, you never intended to let go of that collateral. So, you’re clinging to it like a life saver tossed to someone standing in the shallow end of the pool.

What do I mean by that? 92% of the fears you have will never happen. The collateral you are putting up is perfectly safe. 

The two strongest, most influential emotions we experience are FEAR and LOVE.

These two emotions are so strong and influential that they are the main drivers of all marketing and sales campaigns. 

• Fear of failure outranks the fear of spiders, public speaking, flying, or being home alone. 

• 49% shelve their dreams because of this fear of failure.

• Only 8% of those fears clogging up your precious mental real estate ever happen.

Tackle It or Ignore It?

You get good at what you practice. If you practice your fear, then you get really good (like mastery level) at fearing that thing. 

Where you place your energy, your attention, is where you head. You’ve heard this before. It isn’t rocket science. If you focus on fear, you will get more fear. You are propagating fear in your life.

Most people place their dreams high on a shelf and forget about them. They see them sitting up there from time to time, but then the fear quickly reminds them of why they’ve stored it away like a pretty trinket to be admired from afar but never touched.

You may be thinking, “But you don’t understand, I’ve failed before.” We all have failed. The major damage fear of failure does is set the stage for self-fulfilling prophecies. You have failed before, so you believe you will fail again. You are so certain that you will fail again, that you do. 

It is a vicious cycle.

Below are five steps you can take to break that cycle.

Break the Fear of Failure Mindset

#1 Name your fear. 

What is it? Don’t allow that fear to hang out in your head saying vague things like, “You’re going to fail.” 

How? How does your brain propose you will fail? 

Here’s a list of fears our brains love to throw in our faces:

• You’re too old. 

• You’re too young.

• You’ll lose money.

• You won’t make money.

• You’re not good enough.

• You don’t have the skills you need.

• You don’t have the education that’s needed.

• You’re ridiculous for trying this. It’s a stupid idea.

• No one has faith in you. No one believes you can do it.

I could make this newsletter nothing but a list of fears that I’ve experienced or people I know have experienced. 

Two reasons I won’t:

1. You give your fears way too much attention and energy. How do I know that? Because they are stopping you from getting what you want out of life.

2. I want to teach you how to focus on overcoming your fears and leveling up in life.

Get specific. Once you are specific on what’s making you fearful, then you can tackle it and dismantle it.

#2 Write out a Log of Successes. 

Pull out a pen and paper, kids. This needs to be in your handwriting. 

I want you to keep a list of hard things you’ve experienced and overcome throughout your life. You will add to it whenever you remember more. Success can be anything and everything. Here’s a sample of how broad it can (and should) be:

• Juggled three jobs during undergrad

• Learned how to drive a stick shift (and survived)

• Auditioned in NYC in large, cattle call style auditions

• Earned two masters within 24 months with a 4.00 GPA

• Landed a project management job with a large investment firm

• Worked FT, started a reseller business, taught 5 yoga classes to save money

• Walked up to a celebrity Broadway conductor and got his personal email address

You may be wondering, “How is talking to some conductor even relevant?” Because I was terrified to talk to this man, but I did it anyway. That fear was part of a story where I told myself that person was more important than me, so who was I to talk to him? I didn’t overcome my fear, I pushed it to the side. 

#3 Do one thing at a time.

When we are fearful we often feel overwhelmed. It is so important that you peel things back to an attainable level. Do one thing at a time. Get comfortable with it, then add in the next thing. Get comfortable with juggling the two things before you add in a third. Avoid overwhelm and set up an environment where you can regularly succeed.

#4 Take bite-sized action.

As you do one thing at a time, break that one thing down in the simplest steps possible. 

When I wanted to leave my job I started reselling on eBay and I was teaching five yoga classes a week. It was a lot. Every extra moment was spent working my side hustles. I had solid processes in place and used time blocks to get everything accomplished. 

If anything seemed overly complicated, I simplified it. If I felt overwhelmed, I peeled back what I was doing until I knew I could be consistent. If I set an unrealistic goal to list ten items in an hour, I peeled it back to 5. Once I mastered 5, I stepped up to six (and so on).

#5 Celebrate

You know that I always insist on celebrating. If you don’t celebrate every win you will feel overwhelmed and bogged down. I don’t know of anyone who over celebrates. 

I have one friend, ONE, who I think has mastered the art of celebrating herself. She doesn't wait for someone else to recognize her efforts, she celebrates them first. Total rockstar level.

I always suggest you keep a list of go to celebrations that are low-cost or free. 

A great addition to celebrating is having a community, whether it’s a group of friends or a group of people who share your passion.

Why This Works

Fear is hardwired in us from prehistoric times. When you face your fears, you teach yourself at least one HUGE lesson: Your fears are reinforced by stories you tell yourself. Every time that fear rears its head you unconsciously hit the play button on your story. 

It’s like an audiobook that you got for free on your app. Pretty soon you don’t even need to face it; just the thought of that fear reinforces your scary story. These stories are like a script handed to an actor - they don’t come to life unless they are acted out. 

Breaking down that story and separating the truth from your opinion and perception can help you dismantle your fear.

Rewrite the script.

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

Are you struggling to meet your goals and wish you had support? Have you ever considered having a coach? You may not know what a coach does.

What Does a Coach Do?

• You and I develop an individualized plan targeting your specific goals

• You receive individualized support from me

• Answers to your specific questions

• Guidance on your specific issues and blocks

• Accessibility to me outside coaching sessions for added support (individual texts and emails to check in)

• Your plan leads to learning how your personal growth is in your control

If you need a coach, contact me. I can teach you how to get started and accelerate your growth by using repeatable methods. Need the tools? I’ve got them. The goal is always to make you independent. I should be working myself out of a job. Once you take off, you may want to have a session from time to time, especially if you are scaling your goals. A good coach teaches you how to stand on your own two feet. Are you ready to CONNECT?