Driving Your Attention

What makes life worth living?

The consensus among many researchers is:

• Positive Emotion

• Engagement

• Meaning Relationships

• Purpose and Meaning

• Achievement

Most things you believe create a happy life just don’t matter. Money doesn’t matter. Yes, I understand that it can make things easier, money buys choices. Money itself, though, does not purchase a fulfilling life. 

I’m around a lot of people. I know people with the bare minimum of money. They can pay their bills, but there isn’t much extra. They live simply and they’re filled with joy every day. I also know people with stupid amounts of money who have expensive cars, beautiful designer closets, and buy anything their heart desires. One purchase they can’t make is happiness, and many of them are devoid of it.

It isn’t the having of money or anything else that determines your happiness, it’s your belief, your perception, your intention, and your attention.

CONNECT is on a journey, my friends. If you will indulge me in my overt use of familiar phrases, we are connecting the dots to a life worth living. If I’ve been an effective teacher, you know that self-awareness is the first step to leading a fulfilling life. This week we are connecting self-awareness to attention.

How many times have you heard the advice to “Just do it. Just get started.”

The advice is simple, the execution is not. 

“I can’t do that. You don’t understand. I _______ (fill in the blank with why you believe you can’t).”

This is an attention problem.

In the book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, he discusses attention as psychic energy. Attention is either intentional (on purpose) or reactive. Attention is intentional when you choose to focus it on something or someone; or it’s the result of attentional habits based on biological or social instructions. 

An example of attention habits driven by biological instructions would be eating when you feel hunger pangs. You feel hunger, so you direct your attention to the refrigerator to find something to eat. 

The placement of your attention on researching and identifying colleges to attend after high school or retiring in your mid-sixties is an example of attention bound by social instruction. You are conditioned to accept these social norms and carry them out without needing to be convinced. 

Simplified, attention is a vehicle. Like a car, you steer and direct it where you need or desire to go. This steering can be simple or complex. Attention gets you to your destination. If you lack self-awareness, your attention will be directed for you.

My husband purchased a new pair of tennis shoes the other day. They are more expensive than ones we typically buy but necessary for hiking, an activity in which we regularly participate. No one wants a blister in the middle of a five-mile hike, right? He never heard of this brand, and has never seen them out in the wild. However, since his purchase, he has seen them everywhere. A friend even commented on his shoes because she has a pair. 

It isn’t that these shoes didn't exist before, it's just that Chris hadn't yet experienced them. There was no reason for his attention to be directed towards any signs of their existence. Now that he knows about them he recognizes them. His attention is drawn to something that is now familiar.

Now, he notices how they feel on his feet on long walks. He uses his knowledge of other shoes he’s owned to compare and contrast the new shoe’s quality. This creates a whole experience. This will inform future shoe purchases. All this attention, whether intentionally or unintentionally directed, creates an experience.

Last week’s newsletter tackled the necessity of engaging in experiences. You direct your experience by focusing your attention where you want it to go.

Gary Vee says that attention is day trading. What does that mean? It means that your attention is an asset. Either you own it, or someone (or something) else owns it. For example, when you spend day after day camped out on your sofa in front of the TV, that TV and what's on it (commercials, shows, etc.) owns your attention. When you direct your attention towards personal goals, you own that asset.

You create your experience by steering your attention. 

It may be hard for you to see how directing your attention can influence the events of your life. Every time you decide to do or not do something you are steering your attention. When your attention is guided by biological or societal instructions the path is laid out for you. This is like a Tesla in self-driving mode.

When you intentionally direct your focus it doesn’t mean that you will veer into the opposite direction as everyone else. You may align with those societal instructions. But you’re doing it as the leader, not a follower. You choose a certain university because a specific program appeals to you, not because it’s your mom’s alma mater. You retire at 65 because, although you enjoy your work, you’re moving to be close to your young grandchildren. 

When it comes to venturing into unknown territory the steering of attention is the same. Again referencing the book Flow, there is the story of a young man in his late teens who experiences diving for the first time on a vacation with his father. His attention is so captivated by what he sees in the deep blue that it alters his life. Having no particular interest before that experience he decides to go to school for marine sciences and spend his life studying the sea.

Do you see how his attention creates the experience? Some of it was biological. His eyes took in the scenery below the surface. However, it could have ended after that. He could have chalked it up to a fun experience with dad. He didn’t have to direct his attention to further study leading to a career in marine sciences. That was intentionally driven. 

He placed his attention on something that intrigued him and his energy (i.e., research, marine sciences degree) followed. He created his reality.

How are you creating your reality today? Engage your self-awareness and see your ability to direct your attention.

Imagine you drive past a car accident. Attention can go in many different directions as you view the scene. You can focus on the crumpled up vehicles or you can focus on the people standing on the side of the road, alert and unharmed. One projects anxiety and fear, while the other projects relief and physical well-being.

I just had a coaching session with a friend wishing to transition to a new position (and company) within her field. She is filled with anxiety. I redirected her attention to her 18+ years of experience in the field and the level of expertise she has to offer to a firm. Her attention is focused on the fear of the unknown and feelings of inadequacy. However, she is a valuable asset and well-regarded at her current firm. Where she directs her attention is everything, if she wishes to make the jump.

Directing your attention doesn’t 100% determine outcomes (no one has a crystal ball); however, it greatly increases your odds. When you find yourself struggling to feel confident in your goals, practice directing your focus toward your intended destination. Remind yourself that you control the steering wheel.

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

Are you struggling to meet your goals and wish you had support? Have you ever considered working with a coach? You may not know what a coach does.

One-on-One Coaching:

• You and I develop an individualized plan targeting your specific goals

• You receive individualized support from me

• Answers to your specific questions

• Guidance on your specific issues and blocks

• Accessibility to me outside coaching sessions for added support (individual texts and emails to check in)

• Your plan leads to learning how your personal growth is in your control

Are you ready to take action but are at a loss on what step to take next? 

I can teach you how to get started and accelerate your growth by using repeatable methods. Need the tools? I’ve got them. The goal is always to make you independent. I should be working myself out of a job. Once you take off, you may want to have a session from time to time, especially if you are scaling your goals. A good coach teaches you how to stand on your own two feet. Contact me today. Are you ready to CONNECT?