I'm a Failure

This is a piece about hope and faith. 

I’m swimming in the ocean of social media, feeling like plankton to everything bigger than me - from shrimp to whales.

I’m an avid poster and participant on multiple platforms with the goal of creating content full time. But social platforms are voracious feeders. It’s a very “out of sight, out of mind” body of water.

This goal I’m attempting isn’t unlike any other goal, whether it be weight loss, transitioning to a new career, or turning over that proverbial new leaf. You gain a little traction one week (boosting your confidence) just to plateau or fall behind the following week (draining your confidence tank dry).

What is our relationship with failure? Failure means that you’re not good enough, right? You don’t have what it takes. You’re suboptimal and need to give up. Stop expending your energy on efforts that will never bring the results you’re looking for.

And that is when most of us give up. Upwards of 80% of us.

Goodness knows I’ve been tempted. I’ve struggled with what many call writer’s block. I sit down to write, but every time my fingers go to the keyboard that ever present thought pushes it’s way forward: I have nothing to say.

That isn’t true. I have plenty to say, always. But does anyone want to hear it? Do I have anything meaningful and valuable to share?

This weight of failure is a conglomeration of other life happenings polluting the water - excessive travel, unexpected appointments, health issues, and a backlog of clients needing immediate help. These are the layers of life that naturally occur, but they feel like a boulder squashing me.

It isn’t the one thing, it’s all the things.

You’ve experienced this yourself. You give something your best effort and, just as you see some success, multiple things start derailing your progress. Under pressure, you feel like something’s got to give. Life is not offering up a solution, so you offer up one. That thing you were so proud to finally be doing is cut loose with a promise that you’ll come back for it.

But you don’t.

You hang your head in defeat for a moment, but your attention is rapidly caught up in the current of life. You think of that thing from time to time, but it’s just a glimpse now. You don’t have time for it.

I’ve felt like that for several weeks now. Life knocked me off my feet. I did all the things in retaliation. I meditated, I journaled, I prayed, I did yoga, I spent quality time with people I love. I won’t say these practices changed nothing, because I know that’s not true. But, I will say it felt like they did nothing.

But you know what? It’s okay.

It’s okay that I feel (yes, presently) like my efforts are futile. I recorded videos yesterday, all along thinking, “This is crap. Am I creating anything of value? I should delete this. Why am I even bothering?” 

I recorded anyway. I’m writing this newsletter anyway. I don’t have to give up, and neither do you.

This feeling of failure that you and I experience isn’t a signal to give up; it’s a signal to inquire. It may be a signal to gather more information, take a (short and defined) break, reprioritize your approach, or accept that things aren’t going to go smoothly right now.

Feelings of failure are a lack of acceptance. It’s deceptive, though. Failure sounds like total acceptance. “I’m not doing well, so I should give up.” If I give up, then I won’t have to worry about failing. I can stop offering myself up as plankton to the whales.  

When you and I give up on something important to us, we project a permanent status on a temporary situation. You only need to get through today.  

That’s what I’m doing. I’m getting through today. 

And, I’m okay with that.

Sending you all Peace, Love, & Harmony.

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

Are you struggling to meet your goals and wish you had support? Have you ever considered working with a coach? You may not know what a coach does.

One-on-One Coaching:

• You and I develop an individualized plan targeting your specific goals

• You receive individualized support from me

• Answers to your specific questions

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• Your plan leads to learning how your personal growth is in your control

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