Meaning Over Materialism

As we prepare for major changes in the near future, my husband and I have committed to downsizing all our stuff. This is a process that arrives in waves. One wave was a year and a half ago, as we donated items from my mother–in-law’s estate. Now, we are focused on our belongings. You don’t realize how attached you are to things until it’s time to release them.

One tenet of minimalism is, “Don’t hold onto items ‘just in case’ you need them in the future.” There is a Tug ‘O War as I contemplate the cost of something versus its use. And the cost of something isn’t just monetary, it’s also the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual space it costs. 

If you’ve ever moved a large item repeatedly from one location to another . . . to another throughout your life, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. At some point during yet another move you stop and ask yourself, “Why am I moving things I never use?!?!” But, you still pack them.

Downsizing is just about “stuff.” It’s about being mindful of our relationship with everything in our lives.

Meaning Over Materialism

One guide I call on to help me release my stuff is separating meaningful belongings from strictly materialistic belongings. This is the first filter.

We have a sizable art collection, most of which was inherited. There is no meaning attached to many pieces outside being inherited, and they may or may not be valuable. For those reasons, they’ve stayed. But, they really don’t do anything other than take up physical and mental space.

Then, there is the art we collected on a trip to Cuba. The pieces were inexpensive, but the experience attached to them makes them invaluable to us. This is why they stay. Every time I walk by them the colors, images, and the stories attached to them make me smile.

It’s easy to search for meaning in belongings. You’ll find yourself creating a story that projects meaning or value onto an object:

• This textbook belonged to my mom when she was in college. She loved the class and talked about the crazy professor she had all the time.

• This trunk is from the early 1900’s and belonged to my great grandparents. They brought it over from the old country, and it’s an antique. I constantly heard stories about it growing up.

• I bought this souvenir magnet while on my trip to Spain. I remember the cute little shop I bought it at. That was the trip of a lifetime!

This projection of meaning and value clouds our judgement and creates an emotional attachment. But when we take time to connect with these items, we see that we imposed a false personal meaning (that we think is real). 

Your attachment is not to the item but to the story surrounding it. However, if the experience wasn’t yours, then the story is not yours either. You have a story about a story (You weren’t attending college with your mom). What you have to decide is if keeping the item (physical and mental space) adds value to your life (emotional and, possibly, spiritual space).  

Tap into “meaningful utility” to help you parse out what to keep and what to shed.

Meaningful Utility

“Meaningful utility” is the second filter I employ to assist me with letting go. My goal is to own items that are meaningful and useful. My artwork from Cuba can be placed in this category, as there is utility in creating a certain aesthetic in my home. It sets the vibe.

Think about the number of things you own that you don’t use. Why do you own them? Have you attached a story to that item? Is the story yours? If the story isn’t yours, do you have a deep emotional or spiritual connection to that item? Do those items have a use (even if only decorative), and can you put them to work?

My friend, Lena, and I discussed this topic just the other day. Her mother owns china that her great grandmother brought over from Germany. Lena’s family is also in the estate sales business, and we both know that china next to never sells when an estate is being liquidated. Yes, old china is beautiful, but it’s fragile and often painted with gold or silver. Dishwashing machines and microwaves weren’t around when these settings adorned display cabinets in homes.

Lena’s mother puts the china to use, but Lena (nor her sister) want it in the future. But, the sisters have a solution - they’ll give it away (yes, for free). The only stipulation is that the new owner makes a promise to use it. That meaningful utility is passed on.

I own a coffee mug that my parents bought at a huge market near Myrtle Beach, SC in the mid-eighties. Waccamaw doesn’t exist today, but every morning I drink coffee from that vessel and reflect on Myrtle Beach vacations with my family. 

You can even use meaningful utility when making new purchases. For example, we all need kitchen utensils, right? Instead of buying a cheaply made cutting board that fulfills a need, you might purchase a beautiful, locally-made wood board. Then, every time you engage with that cutting board you’re connecting to the story of how it came into your home and the artistry in its creation. 

Yes, of course you can just buy inexpensive, dispensable items. You never have to worry about damaging them, because they hold no meaning. But, if we surround ourselves with items of meaningful utility, then when we use them we create an experience.

Maybe your mom’s textbook is a book of poetry that you read at night before you go to bed. The words may encourage you to write your own poetry. Your grandparents’ trunk may sit at the edge of your bed and hold quilts you use regularly that were made by family members over the generations. And that souvenir magnet may artfully remind you of your shopping list each week. 

It isn’t the ownership of items that’s the problem; it’s the lack of meaningful connection to the things we own. 

We live in a materialistic society. The more we engage with owning excess, the less connected we are to the world around us. However, if we abide by meaningful utility, we will naturally own less. We’ll think about the use and value of an item before mindlessly buying it. 

Apply Beyond the Things We Own

I think it applies to everything in life - our occupation, our relationships, and even our thoughts. 

Meaningful utility may be an odd way to think of it. Why is someone in my life if I’m not meaningfully connecting to them? The meaningful utility is the relationship, not the person. This is the important distinction - the difference between meaningful utility of a relationship versus using people.

Why are we paired together as a friend, a spouse, a work colleague? 

As friends, are we supporting and uplifting one another’s dream goals, even if it’s just over coffee every few weeks? Are you holding onto relationships (or reigniting them) because they meant something to you in the past, but it’s obvious that you’re different people now with nothing in common? Is there an effort to be a good friend, or do we just call one another when we need a favor? 

As work colleague’s do we support one another’s work by doing our individual jobs well, or is there an imbalance with one person pulling far more weight than the other?

The Tale of Two Neighbors

My husband and I have a neighborhood couple who need help from time to time. The husband is ill, so I’ve walked the dog and my husband has helped with some home repairs. Just about every time we receive food from the wife. She also collects our mail when we travel and keeps an eye on the house. 

Another neighbor has asked my husband for help many times with the promise of making dinner for us. My husband always does the work, but we’ve yet to receive dinner. This highlights the difference between meaningful utility in a relationship versus being used. A beautiful hand-crafted cutting board versus a plastic one from Walmart.

And, listen, we aren’t hurt over the one neighbor’s lack of reciprocation. We still talk and are fine with her. We just know that she will never follow through on her end. 

A Menagerie of Thoughts

I hope this brings your awareness to your relationships with possessions and people, including your relationship with yourself.

Evaluate your thoughts (as well as subsequent words and actions) to designate their level of meaningful utility. Do they have meaningful utility or are they using you? Are they serving your dreams and goals, or are they sabotaging your ambitions? End your relationship with the thoughts, words, and actions that are working against you, and start spending quality time with the ones that support you.

What are items you struggle to release, and what are ways you can meaningfully connect to what you own? How can you incorporate meaningful utility into your life, and how can it reinforce a more connected life? 

Take time to sit with these things, journal about them, and decide whether they remain or go.

Sending you all Peace, Love, & Harmony.

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