Overscheduled. Overworked. Overextended!

Is your schedule always packed full with no wiggle room? Are things constantly falling off your plate? Are you in a never ending state of exhaustion?

We need to talk. 

This is a fast track to burnout. (I have a whole newsletter lined up on that topic for next week.)

Let’s discuss 2 steps to get you back on track.

1. Stop compartmentalizing your life.

2. Stop taking on too many responsibilities.

#1 - Stop compartmentalizing your life.

Work/Life Balance is a flawed premise. 

You are a whole human. Your body, mind, and soul operate as one entity. There is no portion of your life that can be segmented out and exist independent of the remainder.

As hard as you may try to separate work life from home life, it just won’t happen. One bleeds into the other. Why? Because you are the common denominator.

This is why the whole CONNECT crew strives for life harmony, not life balance.

That fight you had with your spouse or kid? That is going to be in your head at work. Maybe you’re a little grumpier that day or you have trouble concentrating. The same with anything troubling that happens at work. I think we have all experienced times when stress in one area of life spills into another. (And, yes, I do realize I’m using compartmentalizing language)

The main reason tapping into this holistic view of life is important is because it matters. When you fall into a pattern of chronic stress from work or home, it impacts everything. It affects your mental and physical well-being across the board.

I loved working as a teacher, but one principal I worked for made life difficult for everyone. She was extremely unprofessional, and it was destroying the school. It was a toxic situation. My work followed me home. I couldn’t turn the stress off when I walked through the doors at the end of a long day. Guess what? Neither can you. 

You are not a light switch.

When you view life in compartments (work life v home life) you risk exposing yourself to harmful patterns. For instance, you may stay in a toxic work situation longer than is healthy because, “It’s just work. I can turn it off.” And you don’t realize that little by little you are eroding your tolerance for stress.

No one intends to stay at a crappy job for years . . . until they do.

You typically don’t make grand concessions to your life in a single day. The major changes (good or bad) are the result of minor adjustments that happen day after day, moment by moment.

They become your new norm.

#2 - Stop taking on too many responsibilities.

Repeat with me, “Does this (whatever this is)  align to the life I want to live?”

Remember the Deep Dive we did last year, and then again this April? You defined your life’s vision as a part of that process. You are aligning your actions to that vision. If you don’t have a vision (and mission and values) for your dream life, I highly recommend you invest some time in completing the Deep Dive process. 

I always thought having a full plate meant I was growing and accomplishing big things. Unfortunately, it was at the expense of my physical and mental health. Eventually, it all culminated in a big ‘ole bucket of burnout.

Busy became my norm. 

Here’s the thing - you get used to being busy. In fact, when you’re not busy you worry you’re not doing enough. Rest feels foreign. 

Busy does not equal success. And even if “busy” does help you crush your goals, does it matter if you’re too exhausted to enjoy your accomplishments?

How do you know if you’re too busy?

• If you’re neglecting your physical and mental health, you’re too busy.

• If you’re unable to keep up with responsibilities (Crap! I forgot to pay my electric!), you’re too busy.

• If you’re uncomfortable taking time to relax, you’re too busy.

• If you’re constantly schedule stuffing, you’re too busy.

What is schedule stuffing? Schedule stuffers are those of you who complain about how tapped out you are, but then turn around and add one more activity to your schedule. “I’m so busy, but my friend needs my help.” “I’m so busy, but I have to go to this event.” “I’m so busy, but if I don’t _____ (fill in the blank - run these errands, host this event, watch my grandkids) then no one else will.”

Y’all I see this happen every. damn. day. 

And you can’t tell me otherwise, because I am the reigning queen of schedule stuffing, and I will arm wrestle you for the title. 

However, I am aware (self-awareness is always the first step), and I take action to protect me from myself. I do things like time blocking and asking myself, “Does this align with the life I want?” so I don’t revert to bad habits. 

Your personality is not permanent, so no nonchalant comments about, “This is just the way I am. I’m a busy person. I like being busy.” Behavior is learned. You can change yourself to behave in a manner that aligns to your future self.

If you are a schedule stuffer, let’s take a moment to reflect on why you fall into this habit. If you recall from our Deep Dive process, blocks and poor habits usually (99.99999% of the time) are fear-based. What do you fear? Maybe you fear other people’s expectations and opinions. 

How often do you do things for other people because you believe they expect it, and you don’t want them to be upset (disappointed, mad, etc.) with you if you don’t make yourself available?

It also makes you feel good when you help other people. You get a brain chemical rush (oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, endorphins) when you help people. You feel needed and loved. The root of this is fear. It often is nestled in some form of insecurity. 

Just a reminder that I’m not saying not to help people. We are talking about neglecting your own personal needs, desires, and goals by putting other’s needs ahead of your own. (*see next week’s newsletter on how this can lead to burnout)

Sometimes you stuff your schedule because you aren’t clear on what you want out of life, or you are afraid to go after it (What if I fail?). 

It’s helpful to understand why we do the things we do, so we can make the changes we crave.

You are doing yourself no favor when you remain in Overwhelm Land on the rollercoaster of Crazy Busy without making an effort to change it. You’ll just remain on that ride forever. 

As I mentioned above, I time block and I ask myself, “Does this align to the life I’m building?” I also have recently plugged in a new piece. I do things unconditionally.

This is how it plays out: If I make a commitment, I do it unconditionally. If I say I’m going to help you move, I do it without conditions. Here’s the important part, I’m not just talking about no conditions on you - there are no conditions on me. 

If I help you move, there is no obligation for some future repayment by you. I don’t expect you to help me move in the future. I don’t expect you to do me a favor as repayment. If you want to, that's fine, but there is no expectation.

Likewise, I have unconditionally made this commitment, so I can’t complain about how it’s trainwrecked my schedule, how exhausted I am, or how I can’t do something else I needed to do because I agreed to help you. 

This is about mindful commitment, mindful engagement.

Before I say yes to someone I ask myself, “Can I do this unconditionally?” If I can’t, I don’t.

Let’s Recap

• Don’t play a mind game of thinking you are capable of flipping some kind of mental switch between your work self v. your rest of life self. Work is a part of your life. We strive for harmony (flow), not balance.

• Before making a commitment, asking “Does this (whatever this is)  align to the life I want to live?” reframes your thinking. It brings you into the present moment. You are training yourself to understand that every action either moves you closer or further away from the life you dream of living.

• If you can’t commit unconditionally, don’t. Nobody likes a complainypants who plays the martyr. 

At the end of the day, friends, it all comes down to loving yourself fully. When you are grounded in self-love you will make the best decisions for you. 

Next week we will tackle burnout. Burnout can occur in any area of life, and it can turn your dream life to ashes. We’ll explore the tell-tale signs and discuss ways to avoid it . . . or rebuild, if it’s already wreaked havoc on your life.

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

Are you struggling to meet your goals and wish you had support? Have you ever considered working with a coach? You may not know what a coach does.

One-on-One Coaching:

• You and I develop an individualized plan targeting your specific goals

• You receive individualized support from me

• Answers to your specific questions

• Guidance on your specific issues and blocks

• Accessibility to me outside coaching sessions for added support (individual texts and emails to check in)

• Your plan leads to learning how your personal growth is in your control

Are you ready to take action but are at a loss on what step to take next? 

I can teach you how to get started and accelerate your growth by using repeatable methods. Need the tools? I’ve got them. The goal is always to make you independent. I should be working myself out of a job. Once you take off, you may want to have a session from time to time, especially if you are scaling your goals. A good coach teaches you how to stand on your own two feet. Contact me today. Are you ready to CONNECT?