Resilience in the Face of Storms

This week’s topic has a far-reaching application. In the aftermath of a literal storm, we will focus on resilience.

Although our home was spared from the wrath of Helene, I have many friends that are displaced. The comfort of their surroundings has been stripped away. Familiar mementos captured in framed photographs, souvenirs from family vacations, and cozy comforters in their corner of the sofa are gone. Daily rituals are demolished and they are dependent on the kindness of others to get them through. 

My friends are a few among the thousands traumatized by the storm. My husband and I drove through a friend’s neighborhood on the coast. Houses are empty and personal belongings sit on the edge of the road.

Violated is how they feel. The closest experience I have to this is living and working in New York on 9/11. I can’t feel what any victim of Helene is feeling, but I empathize strongly. Prayers to all my friends, known and unknown, who are holding their composure together by a thread as they process what has happened. 

I hope that this week’s newsletter is of benefit to everyone. We have all suffered tragedy at some point in our lives.

The darkest of times can reveal the brightest light.

CONNECT took its current form after personal experiences that burned me to ashes. The result was a laser focus on three pillars:

• CONNECT to God

• CONNECT to Self

• CONNECT to Community

I won’t get into the specifics of what those pillars mean to me. What I do want to focus on is what they mean to you in a time of need.

CONNECT to God

You may ascribe to a particular religion. You may see yourself as more the spiritual type. You may have no inclination to believe anything in particular. If you do believe in God or a higher power or something, take time to connect. It is in the face of tragedy that our spiritual connection offers strength.

There have been studies that show the power of both meditation and prayer. They help you regulate your emotions, manage stress, and provide a sense of peace.

If you pray, pray. If you meditate, meditate. Find some way to continue doing what you usually do, even if it has to be modified. Yes, it will feel unnatural. You’re out of sorts right now, unaligned.

CONNECT to Self

Your routine is off - waaaaaay off. We are creatures dependent on familiar belongings and practices that help us feel safe and secure. When that is demolished we are exposed to the elements. 

Engage in things that provide you a sense of well-being. Soak in a hot bath. Take a long walk in nature. That long walk will reduce your stress and improve your mood, as well as your sleep. Increase the benefits by making physical contact with your natural surroundings. Our senses connect us to our world. Nature has healing properties, and it’s free.

Do you have a hobby that you can still participate in? Maybe you love cozying up with a book, knitting, or playing guitar. Hobbies offer you an escape from your troubles. 

The purpose is not to replicate practices, but to remind yourself that you can reestablish them. Your goal is to provide some semblance of familiarity, safety, and security. 

CONNECT to Community

Community is a beautiful word to me. Broken down into its components, it means with unity or to seek unity. Those of us not experiencing the pain of loss after a tragedy can feel helpless. You want to do something, but you don’t know how to help. 

Keep it simple, friends - just be available. You don’t have to join the Red Cross or donate thousands to make a difference. Those things are great, but make a difference however you can where you are. 

Maybe you know someone affected by a tragedy. You don’t have to fix anyone’s problems for them. Just reach out to them. Let them know that you care and you are available. I don’t know about you, but when I’ve experienced great loss the love and warmth that infuses into me from a friend’s hug is priceless.

If you have suffered from a tragedy I have some advice. Don’t withdraw. Connect. Connect to friends, family, or community groups. There is someone who will help you.

I am always in awe of how communities pull together to help those in need when catastrophe rips places apart. In a way it’s sad that it takes horrific events to bring us together. But, simultaneously, it is beautiful to see people forget about the things that divide us to make sure their fellow human beings are supported.

The Phoenix Rising

When you experience trauma you are displaced - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically. 

The human spirit is remarkably resilient. Whether you are a victim of Helene or you are fighting a personal battle, remind yourself that you are resilient. 

Give yourself time to reflect and process what you’ve experienced. How long? I don’t know. Days, weeks, months? You will go through a grieving process. But beware a block that will inhibit your healing - attachment to things outside your control. 

Grief takes us through a myriad of emotions - denial, anger, bargaining, sadness/depression, and acceptance.  If it is irreplaceable, release it after you have allowed yourself time to process and grieve. A stuck grieving process looks like ruminating for months or years after the trauma. You replay what used to be (but what will never be again) nonstop and you never complete the process. 

If your loss is recent, now is the time to process and grieve. Don’t expect yourself to bounce back immediately. That is a trap, as well. 

I don’t say these things lightly or dismissively. I know it’s hard to adequately express the compassion behind my words. Those who were in the path of Helene have lost their towns, their communities, their families and friends. 

I listened to an interview with a woman in North Carolina who broke down in tears as she listed the names of towns that no longer exist. “They’re gone! They’re all gone! It’s too much to handle.” I wept with her as I remembered saying very similar words to my dad as I walked by a wall of photographs at my subway stop the day after 9/11. It was overwhelming, inconceivable. 

Whenever you feel burned to ashes, remember this: The ashes reform to become the phoenix rising.

If ever you feel stuck and unable to heal, reach out to someone for help. Don’t withdraw and remain silent. Connect.

Sending you all peace, love, and harmony.