The Critic

“I want to try something new but I just don’t think I can do it. It’s too late, right? I mean, I don’t have all the skills I need, and I have no guarantee of success.”

I have heard some variation of this conversation from almost every person I’ve coached.

No one convinces them that they are ill-equipped to do something; they convince themselves. By the time they proclaim their lack of confidence to me they have already rehearsed it thousands of times in their heads. 

We all experience self-talk to some degree. You may be aware of it at times, but it often continues playing in the background of the subconscious undetected. Self-talk influences your thoughts and actions, but is that a good or bad thing?

It depends.

The Person in the Mirror

The first obstacle is your level of self-awareness. Is your self-talk on autopilot, or are you aware of its presence? Do you accept your self-talk as “truth,” or do you see it as a reaction to your surroundings, past experiences, fears, and desires? Does your self-talk rule your decision making, or do you deconstruct the messages being sent?

One thing I have observed consistently with people who lack self-awareness is that they automatically believe their self-talk. Whatever that voice is saying it must be true. The less aware you are, the more inclined you are to accept your self-talk as gospel.

Self-talk is 100% that - you talking inwardly to yourself. Remove the mask self-talk wears. It is you processing what you are experiencing. The question is, “How do you engage with and process your thoughts?”

Critic vs. Critique

Self-talk is really a neutral process, but your self-talk will either appear to criticize or critique. When you engage in self-talk you pull in your experiences, or life stories, to process. This is important to realize, because self-talk affects your cognitive abilities - planning, organizing, problem-solving, etc. 

People describe their self-talk as being negative or positive. I don’t love these descriptors - negative and positive, but they are easy to understand. Briefly, I believe that self-awareness is the gateway from negative self-talk (a negative mindset) to positive self-talk. I also view mindset (and accompanying self-talk) as supportive or restrictive, open or closed.

Be mindful of your self-talk’s lean toward being critical. The critical voice is one that shuts down your engagement in problem-solving. If you tell yourself “I can’t” then you signal to your brain that there is nothing to be done here, the problem is unsolvable. The critic lives in survival mode and doesn’t exert effort to grow and expand.

You may engage in more “positive” self-talk that aids you in processing and problem-solving. Critique is evaluative and lends itself to growth, abundance, and empowerment.

Negative self-talk can be debilitating. Changing self-talk from being critical to offering helpful critique takes mindful effort and patience on your part.

Manager or Managed?

Nothing is permanent. Your state of being (negative/positive, supportive/restrictive, open/closed, etc.) is fluid. Your self-talk may be positive in one situation and negative in another. I have positive self-talk about pet ownership; however, I have negative self-talk about reptiles as pets. That’s a generic example, but you get the point.

When you arrive at a situation with confidence or a level of success, your self-talk will likely reflect your healthy self-esteem. The reverse is true, too. If you encounter a situation and already feel unprepared or have a lack of confidence, your self-talk will further reinforce the negative emotions you’re experiencing.

For example, if you start a new job doing something similar to a previous job, your self-talk is likely to support you. If that new job leaves you feeling like a fish out of water, you’re likely to criticize the mistakes and missteps that come with being new to anything. Again, there are other forces at play, such as the health of your self-esteem, but self-talk is a big contributor to those other forces.

This is your opportunity to see that you choose whether you are the manager of your self-talk or you are the one managed by that inner voice.

That voice inside is a reflection of your mindset and vice versa. It reveals itself in your thoughts, your words, and your actions. This is why it is so important to unplug, train yourself to be still (and quiet), and find the value in solitude. 

By now you know my suggestions, but I’ll add a little more value below.

The Power of Trees (Nature Walks)

Walking outdoors amongst flora and fauna (sans distractions) naturally calms the mind. You are a multisensory being who is drawn to repeated patterns in nature (fractals), movement of the surroundings, the scents, the sights, and the connection that occurs when you touch those surroundings. Trees even put off a chemical called phytoncides that are believed to aid in your immunity.  

When you engage in walking you alleviate stress, grow neural pathways, and boost your creativity. Your body releases a flood of chemicals that support these processes. This opens the mind to possibilities, clarity, and resolve. Unsurprisingly, you can think much better when you are at peace and in a good mood.

Meditation and Breathwork

You know I rate both meditation and breathwork highly. They are two of the many free superpowers that your body possesses. Meditation not only reduces stress and anxiety, but it also increases your attention span and improves your memory!  Breathwork is another tool you can use to engage and control your sympathetic (SNS) and parasympathetic (PNS) nervous systems. 

Consistently dedicate five minutes a day to each. Five minutes, y’all, that’s it. Then, let’s check back in this time next year to see how these practices have improved your life. 

But what do these practices have to do with your self-talk?

It is when you sit in solitude that your mental chatter is loudest. This is when most people abandon these practices, because “they don’t work.” They can’t quiet their minds. This is the whole point of practices like meditation. You become acutely aware of the chatter that is constant. You just didn’t realize it was constant until you sat in silence.

Harness this time to retrain your self-talk. 

Write It Out

Journal to process the things your inner voice says to you. This is especially powerful when paired with meditation. Writing out your thoughts helps you organize, evaluate, and fully process them. Speaking from personal burnout experience, I had revelations that only my journaling could give when my mind was too cluttered to think clearly.

Ultimately, the source of destructive self-talk is a lack of love and compassion. The biggest fight you will ever face is the one against yourself. We spend too much time battling external forces over which we have no control, when most of our problems are rooted within.

Start this year committing to a healthy, loving, and rewarding mindset. The best version of you is waiting to be revealed.

Sending you all Peace, Love, & Harmony!

Do You Need Help Tapping Into Your Potential?

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