Yes, Your Past DOES Define You

There are many people who have said in some form or another that your past does not define you. But, that’s not completely accurate. Your past does define you when you consider that you’re the one who defines your past. 

Every encounter, every experience leads us to form a story. We create our own personal oral and written history. Then, we reinterpret events every time we retell them to friends while socializing. We write and rewrite them in journals. Everything is relived from our perspective. This perspective includes our interpretation of other involved people’s roles - what they said, how they said it, and what they meant when they said it.

So, yes, your past does define you, but you are the author of that definition. Then, you tweak and rewrite the story as your life presents new experiences. For example, I’m sure you’ve felt the pain of a breakup sometime in your life. Is the story you told yourself when everything was fresh the same as the story you tell yourself now (if you even take the time to revisit it)?

Too often people punish their present by brandishing their past as a weapon against themselves or others. This happens when you find yourself perseverating on past events by incessantly revisiting them and bringing them into your present. This can happen with negative and positive experiences. 

When we regret our past, dragging those negative events into the present tarnishes our now. The same happens when we regret our present and long for the past, which may look like constantly reliving our former accomplishments. 

Releasing your past doesn’t mean forgetting it. Releasing your past means dropping its attachment to the current version of you and your life. Current You may or may not have made any number of decisions that Past You did. Liberate yourself by bringing awareness to your propensity to project stories about your past onto your present (and future) and practicing self-compassion.

Research tells us that roughly fifty percent of what you remember isn’t true. And, the further removed from an experience we are the more faulty the story we’ve created around it becomes. Emotion influences our experiences and the retelling of them. 

Our stories are further skewed when other direct and indirect participants add in their retelling of the events. Direct participants are people who were there. Direct participants influence the retelling by seasoning your story with their version complete with their emotions (i.e., I remember, you said . . . . You were so mad! And I was just as upset as you were.). 

Indirect participants have an emotional reaction when they hear your story (i.e., That’s so sad!) and experience the story vicariously (How did that make you feel? You’re such a chill person, but that had to make you angry.). These participants add their spin. 

So, why does this even matter?

The more emotional the story, the more we revisit it with ourselves and these participants. These stories become your personal lore. This lore influences your thoughts, your words, and your actions (which are significant in the formation of your mindset).

Your personal lore defines you because these stories influence your belief systems, your values, and even your personality. 

Be aware of this phenomena that we all experience. Be aware, because you are the author of your life. In the present moment if you want the next chapter to take a different direction, direct your thoughts, words, and actions the direction you wish to go. 

Be aware of bringing past stories into the present. What is the purpose of their presence? Is it to fill a void you’re feeling? You may live in past accomplishments when you feel like you aren’t living up to your potential. You define what “living up to my potential” means. You define it all.

You may live in the pain of the past because it fills the void of receiving love and attention. You don’t feel worthy, but living in a past pain gives us the attention of people living in our present moment. That reveals a lack of self-compassion. You are enough.

Reveling in the past is healthy when you extend appreciation to what you experienced (good or bad) that created the person that you are today, but, you don’t lean on those stories to create a life for you now. 

The whole point is this: Don’t allow the past, bad or good, to hijack your present. Live life intentionally now.

Sending you all Peace, Love, & Harmony.

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